We are so excited you are here and that you have picked ENARI as your guide for a better relationship. The content below is only the beginning. Each week we add new learning in the same format so that you can come back as often as needed to review lessons.
Remember, you two are our valued members and we want your feedback. Please feel free to communicate with us anytime to tell us how we are doing, improvements you want to see or any content ideas you have that we can address in the key learning.
ENJOY THE PROCESS!
Todd and Diana Mitchem
CONTROLLING THE NEED TO WIN - EGO
The ego is a funny thing. It’s a driving, underlying, unconscious force within each of us that determines much of our decision-making. When we say ego, however, many people tend to gravitate to a definition of arrogant behavior. While the two can be connected, our discussion on this topic is not about arrogance. Arrogance is literally sense of self-importance, which often manifests as destructive, self-limiting behaviors that can irritate or annoy others. Sometimes arrogant individuals have a false sense of their own importance or of their actual impact, and this causes distress. While ego and arrogance can often be mistaken for each other, we prefer to think of arrogance as a shiny red Ferrari, built for showing off, while ego is the driver’s need to be seen.
What is a priority? The dictionary definition is “a thing that is regarded as more important than another.” In a marriage, there are many priorities, both large and small, which take up our valuable time and attention. And while prioritization of specific areas of life seems to be justified, often a couple will find their critical focuses to be entirely out of alignment, causing hurt feelings, mismatched activities, and, of course, resentment.
Romance, that ever-elusive, positive, joyous force for intimacy and demonstrated respect for our lover. But how do we show our romantic intentions in a way that connects to our partner’s preferences? When it comes to romance, it's all about giving your partner what THEY want, not your limited guess. Is it opening the door for her every chance you get or giving him a back massage? Is romance sex or does it lead to sex? What if I demonstrate romance but my partner is unreceptive? Do I then retreat to resentment and cease my attempts? These are questions we hear all the time from people just like you.
In life and marriage, sometimes we get bogged down with anxiety and stress that makes us feel as if we have lost control of everything in our lives. Whether it may be your temper, your circumstances, your current relationship status, or you name it, there is always something that can be found to be out of sorts at one time or another.
Who is responsible for ensuring that a couple’s communication is completely understood by both people? Often in a marriage, regardless of how stable or loving, communication is among one of the most critical skills each partner must harness. In fact, most issues which arise in a marriage are created from poor communication. The good news is, excellent communication is a universal skill that anyone can learn.
RESPECT AND UNDERSTANDING
Respect is crucial in a successful marriage. However, just showing respect for one another’s points of view and decisions is not enough. What we mean by respect is the entire picture of how you see, act toward and demonstrate respect for yourself, respect for your spouse, and respect for your marriage. Often in a relationship, we neglect the need to express respect daily, in both large and small ways. Complacency leads to a breakdown of relationship because, normally, the most critical part of the relationship—respect—suffers the most when we get into a rut of complacency in our marriage.